Ache

With every heartbeat it feels like it is being choked. If there was an occasion a human heart needs to be held by a pair of hands, I'm almost certain this is how it would feel like.

It almost feels like a pair of hands are squeezing down on it every time I think and at times, it literally hurts. And when it hurts, it hurts very badly.

The good and bad about distractions is that they work, right up until they don't. Forced to see what is there when the clouds of dust has settled is disturbing, uncomfortable, hurtful.

If I had to think of reasons why I feel this pressure there is certainly more than one that comes to mind. But knowing the problem doesn't mean you can solve it, not all the time.

Yet at the end of the day if I were to find ways to push it away I would only regress. So do I walk towards a wall in hopes of going through or do I step back into the cold room that is the only sanity I know?