Valentine 2009

a little late for such a post i would say but its not like you missed anything important anyways. caution, post may be emo.

two days after valentine's day this year, it was a monday. being my usual self i wrote a piece of literature on how i felt on that day. though i must say, it follows my usual theme of depression. how strange the way my brain is wired.

sometimes i truly wonder, am i so different from everyone else? statistically speaking, there has to be someone like me out there somewhere. still, the fact that most of the time people predict me wrongly surely saddens me.

does it really seem like i would destroy the world if i could? does it really seem like i choose death over life? does it really seem like i would choose war rather than peace? perhaps my demeanor really does seem like this. a lack of expression perhaps? i don't know.

anyways, here's the short literature i wrote two days after valentines day. call it a poem if you must.

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the broken valentines - 16 February 2009

like a dimming light. ah, how the fools walk around me.
flames to be fueled or extinguished? glowing cast iron, freshly made.
will it cool? will it cool?

on the path that is different, their cold metal hitting each other.
oh, the small sparks it makes.
i watch in amusement.

has the day end when it begun?
how irritating the flies of this meat. its red blood flows pointlessly.
how i ponder its creation.

like yesterday, the night is filled with darkness.
the same sky looks upon me. how common this strange day seems.
as common as another day. have i simply not aged more?

Considering Suicide

to live on is to give yourself a chance to try and improve and change beginning from the following moments on.

i'm getting tired of trying.

free me from this boundary of flesh and bone
my body holds not the capacity for me to live
in a world of such great filth
where lies and deceit surrounds
the brain is merely flesh
but the mind is boundless
kill me now and set me free
let me walk the earth with my ideologies and not my feet
let me smell the clear air that we have failed to preserve
and let me taste the sweet wine of death
cut me lose and let me fall
down the path of freedom where everything is possible
let me fall into the abyss where the body is no longer our container
but our soul itself that sustains its own life
let me see the great visions that our minds have yet to perceive
cut my strings and let me loose of my puppeteer
and let me wander free
free into the world of unknown greatness
and eternal bliss
just let me die and set me free.

Even More Poetry

flipping through my book f homemade poetry, i couldn't help noticing that i have some love themed poems too. of course when i say love themed, doesn't mean it can't have other elements. so here it is. please do not duplicate or steal without permission.

The Pain of Loving - 4 July 2007
loving you, is the most painful thing to do,
breaking me up inside, ripping me in two,
too long i have loved you, and it breaks me up inside,
too long i have been waiting, and inside i have only cried,

i need not you to be mine, i need you only beside me,
i only want you with me. why is it you can't see?
loving you, missing you, wanting you by me,
tied to these emotions, that i cannot break free,

no one is known to be perfect, but you are perfection defined,
you seem too much like a trap of greatness, in which i am confined,
willing to help your friends, and all of those around,
but never losing yourself, which keeps me much astound.

never felt so empty, yet never felt so full,
never felt so strange, as if neither hot nor cool,
i want you here, i want you gone, i see you everywhere,
lost in confusion, no where to turn, all i can do is stare.

Am I in Love - 6 July 2007
the first time i looked into your eyes,
there was a feeling i can't force to subside,
a feeling that i had never once felt,
a feeling that makes me just want to melt,

the art of your perfection, never once too shy,
the way you speak and move, has made the angels cry,
and i know i must speak the truth, i know i mustn't lie,
but you had lifted me up so high, without me letting you try,

what is this feeling that i can't seem to comprehend?
is she an enemy? or maybe just a friend?
am i insane, to want her for who she is?
or am i in love, to have feelings such as these?

Life Can be Short - 3 August 2007
today as i walked home i saw a dead frog,
though i had walked on, i was left with a thought,
life begins, lives on, and it has its own fate,
but one day will come when it eventually is dead,

life, like a rope, has a beginning and an end,
it may be just a matter of how, where, and when,
you may live for the present, future, or past,
but never stop living, for it is more than just a task,

so if you care for someone, please tell them today,
for you may not have many chances to take their breath away,
be it a poem, a card, or even a homemade song,
for who knows, whether the time that remains is either short or long,

to you, there are a thousand of things i want to say,
but fear within me has kept me silent up until this day,
life can be very short, there are things that we can't do,
so in case something ever happens to me, just know that i love you.

all poems on my blog were written by myself unless otherwise stated. please ask permission before using, duplicating, modifying, or posting it in your own site/blog/etc.

More Poetry

after i updated on my previous post of valentine poems, i flipped through my book of homemade poetry and found i had some other poems that have themes of loneliness. one of which has already been posted. although it also has a very depressing theme. so here are the rest of my poems which are either about loneliness or just plain depressing. please do not duplicate or steal without permission.

Alone - 12 June 2007
where is the pause when darkness surrounds?
where is the cause, why none can be found?
alone, filled with emptiness,
the feeling of null and loneliness,

gone is the wind of fate,
gone is the strength of courage,
gone is all that is great,
not even the remains of rage,

isolation, an island alone,
pools of emotion but never once shown,

falling,
an abyss of darkness waiting,
solitude begins to be sane,
sane caused by an endless pain,

yet common i feel these things to be,
for no one can see the way i see,
things i neither say nor show,
being alone for so long and therefore i know.

Death - 15 August 2007
it is, in a way, a matter of where,
somewhere in the world, maybe here, maybe there,
it is, in a way, also about time,
when the birds start to sing, or when the clock chimes,
it is, in a way, of how it will happen,
never knowing when it does, but causes moods to dampen,

it is death, some have feared, and some don't give a damn,
it is inevitable, unpredictable, and also where i am,
many have tried to avoid it, but it is what i'm searching for,
it is something i have found, and i couldn't ask for more.

I Cry Inside - 25 October 2007
the problem with crying inside, is that the tears are hard to dry,
the sadness within doesn't truly subside and it makes you want to die,

the sadness within that forever will stay,
for it cannot escape, it has no other way,
the endless abyss of sadness and sorrow,
the feeling that makes you want to see no tomorrow,

death, much have feared, much have tried to avoid,
yet it is death, around me it has coiled,
it is an alternative, much better than eternal suffering,
it is the path i have chosen, and because so, i am no longer dying.

all poems on my blog were written by myself unless otherwise stated. please ask permission before using, duplicating, modifying, or posting it in your own site/blog/etc.

Valentine II

a poem for valentine's day. might add more.

untitled poem
valentine,a day so divine,
everything seems like its going fine,
not a word of sadness,
not even a taunt,
surrounded by happiness,
and behaviors of flaunt,
so make a wish, as here comes a shooting star,
may your valentine this year be the best one so far.

a lonely valentine
a day of lovers, happiness and joy,
why do i still feel like a broken toy?
abandoned and lost, in an isolated shack,
trapped in the darkness, brightness i lack,
as i watched people around me smile and talk,
without noticing me as they held hands and walked,
they went about their business of love and care,
but to look at me, i believe no one would even dare,
alone on a day when people would meet up and pair,
regardless of age, height, even colors of their hair,
to express their love, any price they would pay,
but for me to be lonely, i guess it's like any other day.

The End

my second official poem. written on 26 march 2007. another depressing poem to share. please ask permission if you should so want to use it.

The End
when will the infinite pain find it's end?
the sadness and sorrow that never mends.
hollowness, fear, depression and rage,
these emotions are getting harder to cage.

should i flee? should i run? should i hide?
what must i do to make it subside?
the things that break me up within,
with no support i could ever lean.

endless, are the days of my pain,
and anger that rushes, it's hard to keep sane.
solitude, sadness and suicidal thoughts,
crying for help, but nothing be brought.


the end, the push, the point of breaking,
although anger and fear, but never shaking.
the end, the cut, the fading of light,
no tears of regrets, but the slipping of life.

Gone

a little poem i wrote around 2006. please ask me for permission if in any case you should want to use my poem. but i would wonder why you should want to duplicate a poem as depressing as this one.

GONE
where did you go?
why have you left me here, so lonely with no purpose,
no feeling of happiness,
to leave is like turning me into an empty shell,
to be hallow of feelings,
no happiness,
that is what i am,
what i was, and what i am to be.
i am alone,
with no one to cling to,
and no one to hold,
to share moments with no one at all.
the solitude is hell,
a hell i have to live with,
for the rest of my life.
why am i still here?
with no purpose to fulfill i am merely no one's worth.
only an insignificant person.
the end of my life is near,
i can see it from here.