Emo in progress

I see a screen with no words. I see a list with no names. I felt a pulse with no life. I see a sky of blue and grey. There was hardly a wind. Heat was still a roommate.

I placed a handkerchief into my pocket. Walking out the door never felt so mechanical. I made my way to the nearby playground. It was empty, as always. The birds there flew away when they saw me. I looked up. Rain was coming soon. Time, 6.00pm.

I placed the handkerchief at the back of my head and lay upon the open ground. I look straight into the sky and my vision was filled with only clouds upon a blue background. I could feel insects biting me and flies resting upon my arms. Time, 6.20pm.

My stomach felt odd. Seeing to as it was mostly empty, I can understand why. I sat up. A pose of ponder followed. The little droplets of rain began to fall. I looked up. The sky was now completely grey. I was lost in time for a brief period. I was mostly but not completely soaked in rainwater. Wind. I shivered. It almost feels as if what I am feeling is being washed away by the rain. I stood up and proceeded to walk home. Time, 7.20pm.

27042009

you know the feeling you get when you stay up the whole night to do something you don't want about something you have no interest in for a reason you don't care about but you have to do it anyway? that's what i'm feeling right now.

granted i can actually just ignore everything in the world and not do my four page long essay during the last minute, i did anyways. why? cause i have nothing better to do. oh, except sleep.


suddenly, this became my best friend.

when i'm finally done, i though i would take some pictures since i'm ridiculously bored and class is an hour away so i can't sleep. but guess what, my phone decided to go opn strike and simply refused to take a single picture. fan-tastic. fan-f*&%$#@-tastic. so i had to take crappy VGA scale pictures with my laptop instead of 2MP pictures with my phone.


you see how crappy my laptop webcam is? at least it has a webcam right?

smucker's goober. i mean, its just yummy. i can't help eating it. having a diet of just peanut butter & jelly with bread for more than two weeks is Not good for health. (note: i did not eat that many in 2 weeks. it's collected through several months.)

another thing to make my day crappier is the fact that i'm broke. supported GACClite too much i guess. but i can't deny their sandwiches were good. can't really blame me for buying everything on the menu within three days.

so i'm tired and broke. what else can go worse right? oh wait, finals are less than a month away and i hardly understand my syllables. to top it all off, if i don't score my finals, i might just have to repeat another semester on top of the semester that i already have to repeat. yippee!

why can't they predict the world to end tomorrow instead? that would make me feel much better knowing that i don't need suffer anymore on this boiling planet. i mean seriously, lately the temperature here is so hot, i can hardly sleep anymore. then i wake up all sweaty and sticky, as if i wrestled someone while sleeping.

since i already begam ranting, let me just continue by saying that i want a better printer. its not like i don't appreciate the printer i have now. its laser after all. but of all the types of printer, its monochrome. i can't even use my Own money to print colour with it. i don't have much to complaint about printing speed but it is apparently slower than other laser printers.

at this point, i'm just annoyed with life. i think i'll go get sugar high now and see if that helps me stay awake through class today.


yes, that is a jar of sugar.

Valentine 2009

a little late for such a post i would say but its not like you missed anything important anyways. caution, post may be emo.

two days after valentine's day this year, it was a monday. being my usual self i wrote a piece of literature on how i felt on that day. though i must say, it follows my usual theme of depression. how strange the way my brain is wired.

sometimes i truly wonder, am i so different from everyone else? statistically speaking, there has to be someone like me out there somewhere. still, the fact that most of the time people predict me wrongly surely saddens me.

does it really seem like i would destroy the world if i could? does it really seem like i choose death over life? does it really seem like i would choose war rather than peace? perhaps my demeanor really does seem like this. a lack of expression perhaps? i don't know.

anyways, here's the short literature i wrote two days after valentines day. call it a poem if you must.

**********************************
the broken valentines - 16 February 2009

like a dimming light. ah, how the fools walk around me.
flames to be fueled or extinguished? glowing cast iron, freshly made.
will it cool? will it cool?

on the path that is different, their cold metal hitting each other.
oh, the small sparks it makes.
i watch in amusement.

has the day end when it begun?
how irritating the flies of this meat. its red blood flows pointlessly.
how i ponder its creation.

like yesterday, the night is filled with darkness.
the same sky looks upon me. how common this strange day seems.
as common as another day. have i simply not aged more?